beauty and the geek

Note: The CW hasn't released any good photos of the "Beauty And The Geek" contestants yet, so instead I've illustrated the concept of dumb, good-looking men with a picture of David Hasselhoff in his prime.

Brainy women around the world will be sorely disappointed tonight when they see that tonight's "Beauty And The Geek" only features one female Geek and one male Beauty.

Don't get me wrong: I'm glad they're trying it, and it will certainly be fun to have some intra-group romance possibility, but would it kill you to cast more than one geeky woman and one hot dude? Ashton Kutcher's production team has to realize that there are plenty of people out there who want to look at good-looking guys, and that many of them are the same people who wish female geeks were better represented on TV. In fact, many of them are female geeks. Who do you think is watching this, anyway? Not the "Gossip Girl" audience.

You know what else would make things interesting? Put two men or two women on the same team. It's not just women that geeky guys have no experience with; they've been left out of the whole back-slapping dude culture of popular boys, too. I'd love to see the natural enemies of the high-school ecosystem to cooperate and learn to respect each other. The smart ones could teach the pretty ones about anime and Star Trek, while the pretty ones could explain fashion and football. It would totally work, but it eliminates so much of the "what if they hook up?" drama, they'll skip it.

I'll still watch, of course. It's a fun show, and (as the Comparative Literature geek in me is compelled to say) one of the most interesting gender-theory texts on television right now, but I have a million ideas for how "Beauty And The Geek" could be way, way better.

When reality shows get beyond the third season or so, they tend to need a twist to keep viewers engaged. Think about it: The Bachelor added The Bachelorette. Donald Trump took The Apprentice to L.A., etc...

So, it didn't really surprise me when last night's Beauty and the Geek announced a surprise (which they teased in true reality TV form for more than half of the two-hour premiere). The "beauty" and "geek" with the lowest scores during the first challenge got to pick the rest of the two-person teams. Brilliant! That totally changes the game.

Did you watch the Beauty and the Geek premiere? What did you think of the twist? Who is your favorite geek?

Stay tuned for today's big TV premiere faceoff, where you get to vote on which show you're most excited about seeing tonight.


The highly anticipated, if only by me, fourth season of Beauty and the Geek begins tonight with a special two-hour season premiere. Word has it that there aren't going to be any eliminations tonight. I wondered at first how they are possibly going to fill up the entire two hours, but thankfully, there are enough lovable geeks to pass the time.

In the grand tradition of America's Next Top Model two-hour season premieres, the first hour shows Mike Richards scouring the country for the very best geeks and beauties. Helping out are last season's sweethearts, Nate Dern and Jennylee Berns. Sidebar: Nate still has a rather unattractive full beard. He's still kind of cute, though.

Nate and Jennylee travel to Boston, Raleigh, NC, Little Rock, AR, and finally, Las Vegas. Meanwhile, Mike goes to Washington, DC, Chicago, and Los Angeles.

In Boston, Nate and Jennylee meet Dave. Dave is a LARPer which, he explains, stands for live action role playing. It's like Dungeons & Dragons, except you act it out in real life. We are treated to some awesome home video footage of Dave and his friends in full medieval garb, acting out a swordfight. This may betray which camp I belong in―beauty or geek―but I have to say that I think I know people who L.A.R.P. Heh.

Although Raleigh is the home of Research Triangle Park which has one of the highest concentrations of Ph.D.s in the country, Nate and Jennylee meet a beauty who says that her IQ is "slightly over not too dumb."

Things start out slow for Nate and Jennylee in Little Rock. After what seems like an endless wait, they finally get some good candidates, including Shalandra, a.k.a. Shay, who is very cute and bubbly, a geek who has taken apart an old-school Nintendo system and put a modern computer into it. He actually brings it with him to the interview.

In Vegas, Nate and Jennylee first meet Summer, who giggles nervously and breathlessly after every word that comes out of her mouth. I am so glad that she wasn't chosen because the short montage of giggles that follows her interview is more than I can take. There is a hideously mannish woman who looks to be about 50 years old who meets men at strip clubs and would marry a man for money if he didn't have long to live. She may be stretching the definition of "beauty." Thankfully, she isn't selected to move into the mansion either. Sadly, Nate and Jennylee do not meet any geeks in Vegas. It's true. I've been to Vegas, and there are no geeks there at all. Not a one.

As for Mike, his search begins in our nation's capital. There he meets a geek who has 10,000 comic books and a beauty who thinks that Big Bird is the symbol of the Democratic Party.

In Chicago, Mike is joined by Joe and Carl from season 2 who help out with the selection process. A geek named Joshua is interviewed first, and he quickly steals my heart. Seriously, he is my favorite and I am going to pick him to make it all the way. He studies type 2 quasars, plays chess and composes chess problems. He has trouble remembering the last time he's been kissed, but awkwardly says that that there may have been some kind of "incident" back in January. I would bet any money that his "incident" was when he had to kiss his aunt on the cheek!

Next, Mike goes to Los Angeles, where he bumps into Rubik's Cube expert Tyson from season 2. Poor Mike. He doesn't have a hottie like Jennylee as a travel partner, so he has to get his fun by kicking it with past geeks.

Mike makes his final decision on who needs the most help and therefore deserves a spot in the Beauty and the Geek mansion.

The nine geeks are: Dave the LARPer, Jesse who lives with his parents, John the analog circuit designer, Josh the mechanical engineering student, Luke the electrical engineering major, Joshua the astrophysicist and my personal favorite, Tony the bowtie wearer, Will the filker, and William comic book collector.

The nine beauties are: the artificially large-breasted Amanda, Erin the hairstylist, Hollie the Betty Boop impressionist, Jasmine the babysitter, Jen who can bench 135 pounds, Katie the retail store manager, Natalie the Hooters girl, Rebecca the massage therapy student, and Shay the bartender.
Beauty and the Geek" (8 p.m., WKBD-TV, Channel 50, CW). Season premiere. Fabulous babes and dweebish dudes gather and pair off once again in the cheerful, charming reality competition hosted by Mike Richards. The goal? For the women to teach the socially awkward guys some people skills while the brainy boys school the girls on things more scholarly. The winning couple splits $250,000. But there's a surprise twist this time. One team is composed of a female geek and a male hottie. Cool.

A hunka hunka TV

"Elvis: Viva Las Vegas" (9 p.m., WXYZ-TV, Channel 7, ABC). Jump back, I am wearing my fantasy life sequined Elvis jumpsuit while writing this little channel surfing snippet. Honest. It seems like the appropriate make-believe attire for this late, late, late summer special. Elizabeth Vargas hosts the two-hour exploration of how the late, great King of Rock 'n' Roll "reinvented Las Vegas -- and how it reinvented him." And along with rare archival clips of E shaking his casino entertainer groove thing, such artists as Norah Jones, Paul McCartney, 50 Cent and Celine Dion either talk about how Elvis influenced them or perform covers of his songs. The tunes? Well, among others, Toby Keith and Aerosmith's Joe Perry rip it up on "Mystery Train" and Chris Isaak and Brandi Carlisle team up for a "Love Me Tender" duet. Sweet.

Finis, finally

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"Big Brother" (9 p.m., WWJ-TV, Channel 62, CBS). Season finale. Some fool wins. Julie Chen says something cheerfully inane. The end.

Is he really Barry White?

"Eureka" (9 p.m., Sci Fi). Welcome to the Planet Lovetron. It's time to do the paranormal polka. Sheriff Carter (Colin Ferguson) is transformed into a cosmic babe magnet after being zapped by a prehistoric spore that makes him absolutely irresistible to women. OK, men, let's get a search party together and track down some more of those prehistoric spores. Now!

Live to eat

"Have Fork, Will Travel" (9:30 p.m., Food Network). Good eats. Comic and international chowhound Zane Lamprey, who displays his fondness for booze on the high-def MOJO network's hilariously informative "Three Sheets," took on this new epicurean gig. He travels the world, visiting various countries to sample their exotic foods while humorously broadening his palate. Tonight's destination is Puerto Rico. It's yum-yum time, Zane. Let's eat.

Mercy? Not here

"NCIS" (10 p.m., WWJ-TV, Channel 62, CBS). Repeating the season finale beat. Before Agent Gibbs (Mark Harmon) starts cracking new cases in next week's fall season premiere, "NCIS" fans can enjoy an encore of last May's fourth season finale. Gibbs and the other agents are reluctantly preparing for hastily announced Homeland Security polygraph tests. Other trauma? An unarmed Agent DiNozzo (Michael Weatherly) and his girlfriend are held captive by a merciless drug dealer. Is there any other kind?